An Open Letter

An Open Letter
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An open letter

Today started off pretty good, aside from last night where baby had a sore ear and tummy and wasn't calming down, I thought it was best to nip to the hospital, isn't it strange the prospect of a three-hour wait medicine had kicked in so off home we went.

Night time was good actually slept most of the night, unlike the last two weeks where she has had tonsillitis and a cough she is unable to shift.

Today I was able to muster up the energy to take her out for the day after I finished the odd jobs I needed to get out of the way, when that was done she had been so good in the car we came to the centre, we hadn't been for a while due to anxiety issues.

The staff are always lovely and welcoming and always make us both feel at home before play time started baby's hair needed a trim, she sat there and had her hair trimmed with hardly and issues.

That being done mummy was feeling hungry, so we went to order some food they do lovely food.

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Trying to get baby in the High chair was a bit of an issue, to say the least. So leaving her out while I was queuing to order lunch you was there with your friends and your three kids, I'm assuming the youngest was three years old. Baby was standing by the play bits, and I was watching, children play and mess about especially at baby's age she's two-years-old.
I watched your little one push her a few times with the other two children standing watching. Kids are kids; baby pushed back, so I called to stop anything bad happening while ordering our lunch.
Several times I went over and called while you stood with your friends talking and laughing amongst each other.

Finally managing to order lunch I sat down near where baby was playing when you approached me, "can you keep your kid away from mine, it keeps hurting my son flapping its hands about and pushing my child I've been watching"

I mustered up the courage to tell you "I have been watching, calling and pulling her away from your children who had started pushing her first but kids will be kids, and about her hands flapping and pushing she's autistic and will push people."
Your reply left me like you had punched me in the stomach "maybe you shouldn't bring her to social situations where you can't control her ?"

If only you knew how hard it had been for me to come back, how hard taking baby to places where people cannot accept differences. Given that this is national autism week I would have thought also it being a place that was set up for people and children with special needs, a bit of allowance would be given but clearly, ignorance is bliss.

I hope you enjoyed your lunch as I don't know if I would have enjoyed mine as you made me feel inadequate as a mother and intimidated me with your friends.  While holding baby in my arms during one of many meltdowns I was able to get up and ask for a refund while apologising to the lady for causing a scene.

You wouldn't know this as you were to busy allowing your children to run amok around baby and me, while chatting about how much weight you had to lose, feeling, even more, crap because there is nothing of you. I couldn't stand anymore, the room was closing in, and I couldn't breathe, so I left, as I made my way out I bumped into two staff that I knew with tears in my eyes saying that will be the last time I came and wanted to go home. Balling my eyes out baby lay in my friend's arms she collapsed from her meltdown.

Thank you for this lesson not all people can accept the differences each of us has and let kids be just that kids.

Thankfully I'm strong enough, but in reflection perhaps next time you see a mum alone don't be too sharp with your tongue, some may be weaker than me, and you could be the reason she may never leave the home again.

World Autism Awareness Week 21st March- 2nd April 2017

24 Comments

  1. 31st March 2017 / 9:46 AM

    Oh I’m so sorry this happened. Some people haven’t got a clue but it is her issue, not yours and not everyone is like her xxx

  2. 31st March 2017 / 10:56 AM

    Lots of hugs to you. It sounds like you had a really tough time. I hope you can forgive this mother and continue embracing yourself and your child with the love that you deserve.
    As an idea, perhaps someone out there (online?) has a little flyer that can be printed out to be given out if someone needs to be educated in how to react around, behave with and understand children with autism and the amazing work their carers and families do? Do you think that would take the pressure off you having to react to a situation like that in the future? I mean, a big part of the reason this mum said these unkind words is ignorance. Another part is her own lack of compassion and self-love, but there is not much that can be done there to help apart from role-modelling these qualities. Best of luck with everything.

  3. 31st March 2017 / 2:44 PM

    Oh gosh this is awful!!! I run a children’s play centre and we see situations like this but we always try to help. It is simply not on! I hope you can realise it’s her that is at fault and not you. xx

  4. 31st March 2017 / 3:57 PM

    I’m so sorry that this happened, I can’t believe people are not more accepting of others x

  5. 31st March 2017 / 7:08 PM

    I’m so sorry you were subjected to this. Rise above the nasty people. Jo x

    • 31st March 2017 / 10:07 PM

      thank you Jo appreciate your comment x

  6. 31st March 2017 / 9:38 PM

    I’m so very sorry you had this experience. This woman sounds very self-involved and selfish. The world needs to be more accepting of those who are different, but thankfully not all people are like this woman.
    Sarah Bailey recently posted…Lately I’m Loving March 2017My Profile

    • 31st March 2017 / 10:06 PM

      when I mentioned she had autism she did look taken aback and stumbled to say the rest I guess it came out before she could think but given it isn’t the first time I have had something like this happen It is very hard to feel positive, that’s why blogging has helped me immensely xx

  7. Suzie Repova
    31st March 2017 / 10:00 PM

    Hello lovely,
    just like all the other people who commented – I’m sorry. Here’s an awareness for you – some people just don’t know what to do and they can really hurt your feelings as you’ve discovered. I have a good news though. From what you’ve described your daughter is very forward coming and wants to interact. That’s amazing! Build on that. There is a research that shows that children who initiate social interaction have more chances of learning more new skills. The sooner you start teaching appropriate social skills, play skills etc the better. Self stimulatory behaviour decreases by it self when children ‘discover’ other interests. Don’t be blue xxxx Find someone to help you xxxxx Lots of love, stay strong xxxx

    • 31st March 2017 / 10:04 PM

      thank you your right today I am feeling so much better, in fact, writing it down gave me a release aswell
      xxx

  8. 31st March 2017 / 11:11 PM

    I’m really sorry that this happened to you. It’s def. not okay at all.

  9. 1st April 2017 / 3:47 PM

    Aw I’m sorry you’re having a touch time at the moment, sending you lots of love and positive thoughts xxx

  10. 2nd April 2017 / 1:59 PM

    Oh my, that’s SO awful the way the woman reacted and even worse her reply. I don’t know how you kept your cool, I would be furious. There’s really not enough education around autism these days. I have friends with autistic children and they have been in similar situations before. I find it really sad that someone would rather tell you to not being your child to social places rather than ask you a few questions to try and educate themselves and their children on autism. Best wishes to you all x
    Chanette Kennedy recently posted…The Struggles of Getting Betty Healthy AgainMy Profile

  11. 2nd April 2017 / 9:40 PM

    I have two autistic children 4 years and 2 years I’m so sorry this happened to you, i feel so sad that a mother could treat another mother this way although again sadly it doesn’t surprise me. We take our children to Austim friendly places and also attend a local parent support group that also do activities for the kids, they give us a list of all the places that do different activities through the week, trampoline, soft play, sensory rooms. Is there anything like that where you live?
    Marie Barber recently posted…ASD & Me – Guest PostMy Profile

    • 2nd April 2017 / 9:43 PM

      Funnily enough this place I was at is aimed for SEN which is why I had got so upset xx thank you for your comment

  12. danasia fantastic
    3rd April 2017 / 2:01 AM

    Goodnesss I’m so sorry this happened to you. People can be so cruel and hurtfuk.

  13. 3rd April 2017 / 6:20 AM

    Oh my word how rude of that woman. I’d of literally lost it on her for being so rude. I don’t know how you kept your cool. This is horrible. I absolutely hate people like that.

  14. 3rd April 2017 / 11:12 AM

    That is so terrible, I’m so sorry you had to experience this, some people have no thought for anyone else unfortunately.

  15. 3rd April 2017 / 2:33 PM

    Sorry to hear about all of this – I hope you realise that you’re not to blame at all x

  16. 3rd April 2017 / 7:50 PM

    Its sad that you had to experience such thoughtless behavious.I hope you are not going to let that get in the way of doing what you enjoy next time.

  17. 4th April 2017 / 1:17 PM

    Massive, massive hugs. That lady and her group of friends need educating. Her reaction/response was ignorant, to say the least but maybe she will have gone home and given it a little more thought. Keep speaking up and informing people. It’s important. The more open we are the better.

  18. 4th April 2017 / 7:59 PM

    I can’t believe how ignorant and self-centered some people can be. Don’t take it seriously, hun. No need to hold onto such moments.

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